To Be A Woman

Business Woman

To Be A Woman in 2021

There are days I wish I was born a man. Not because I’m not comfortable in my own skin, but because I have to work twice, if not thrice, as hard to prove myself and to reassure others of who I am. My whole life has been spent pushing boulders up hills to satisfy some sick notion of society only to do it all over again just when I think I’ve made progress.

As a woman I am always fighting the idea of what I should be. My success is not guaranteed, or even assumed in the way that a male’s is from birth. I must fight to prove that I belong, that I am intelligent and capable. A man can achieve in a year what it may take a woman several, if only because a man is given more opportunities and tools to succeed. And frankly, in many situations higher wages for the same work. I have been passed over for opportunities in the past because I was told I was more useful as “a pretty face” to impress customers, as if that’s not insulting at all. As if it is a compliment to dismiss my education and skills but tell me I’m pretty.

You are told as a woman that if you are sexually assaulted it is your fault. That you should have dressed more modestly. That you asked for it. That you must have given him a signal that said it was okay. This is a reality of being a woman, even today. There are men out there who think they have a right to your body, and men who think it’s not their job to intervene. It’s shocking how many people can say #metoo and you would never know it. I hold my keys like a weapon when I go out at night. Do you?

A man can go outside in broad daylight without a shirt on, and yet I have been called a slut for wearing a (not very revealing) tank top. If I wear too much makeup I am high maintenance, or I am “inviting the wrong kind of attention”. If I wear none I don’t care about my appearance. Everyone has an opinion, and a judgement.

I grew up in a Christian environment, letting slide subtle indoctrinations telling women their place in society. How it’s okay for a married man to sleep with his slaves and have children with them, but if a woman has sex outside her marriage she is an adulterous whore. How a woman’s place is to stay quiet in her husband’s shadow and to never speak for herself except in private, and only then to her husband who has the final say.

I have been told by church leaders that it is my duty to “go forth and multiply”. That I am “selfish” for not giving my parents grandchildren, as if it is their right to a hypothetical human being that I have no desire to nurture or to love. As if it’s not my choice, my body, my decision, my life. When a man doesn’t want to have children he rarely faces the same scrutiny or judgement.

I am strong and I am capable, and I am tired of being small. I am tired of having no voice because I was taught not to use it. I want to live in a world where girls are raised knowing they can do anything they set their minds to. Where they are confident going into the workplace and don’t apologize for taking up space. Where they don’t feel like they have to fit themselves into the small box society has created for them. Where we are are truly equals.

When there aren’t days I wish I was born a man.

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7 Comments

  1. October 1, 2021 / 12:46 pm

    I love this post! I’m so happy to see you share posts other than beauty. This post reflects a lot of my own thoughts. I was actually talking about this with my therapist recently. From birth, boys are taught that they’re so fast, so strong, so smart. And girls are told that they pretty. We are taught that the most important thing about us is how we look. It’s beyond frustrating. Again great post! One of my favorites of yours xx

    Melina | http://www.melinaelisa.com

  2. September 30, 2021 / 10:51 am

    I was nodding my head furiously as I was reading your post, and it just shows that we have so much further to go to realize actual gender equality. The sad thing too is that there are still a lot of women out there who agree with that kind of backwards thinking! Baffles me to no end.

    • October 2, 2021 / 1:05 am

      Thank you for reading Jenny! I think people tend to accept a lot of things because that’s how it’s always been. I only recently realized how much passive sexism exists in the world that gets swept under the rug. I’m glad we are living in a time where change and awareness is occurring, I wish it could happen sooner!

  3. September 28, 2021 / 2:55 pm

    Yes to this post! It’s so well-written and articulate! I’m thankful to say I’d never experienced sexism until I started my current admin job, I don’t feel it from colleagues as the majority of them are women but a big part of my role is building maintenance and dealing with contractors and repair men when they arrive on site. Some of them try and make out I don’t know what I’m talking about or wouldn’t understand what they’re saying because I’m young, short and FEMALE – it’s sad that some people still can’t look past gender. I say keep defying those odds and doing what you want, hopefully one day the world will change and be accepting <3

    • September 28, 2021 / 4:18 pm

      Thank you Chanelle! I’m sorry to hear that you’ve experienced any sort of sexism, it’s not ok in any form. It’s tough when so many industries were male dominated for the longest time, the only way to change those attitudes is to fight and prove them wrong. It shouldn’t be that way. I used to be an audio operator at my workplace and there was a day when my company was shooting a promotional video. The camera person asked a male to step in to pretend to do my job for the promo. Ugh! I hope future generations come into a more inclusive and accepting world.

  4. September 28, 2021 / 8:33 am

    This is beautifully written, and you described it very well. It’s a sad reality we’re living in as women! Till now, we struggle in a patriarchal society who value men more than anything else, it’s tiring

    • September 28, 2021 / 12:32 pm

      Thank you Joy, I had a very emotional night writing this and I wasn’t sure I should post it at all. But these thoughts have been on my mind a lot lately.
      We have made great strides to equality but there is a long way to go. Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts ❤️

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